I am not an overly religious person, but I do believe in a higher power...probably several of them, because I don't think there is any way one God can supervise the entire population of this earth. Or maybe there is only one God, but like our president, he has a cabinet of sorts to whom he delegates his work. I guess those would be the saints and apostles, if you follow Catholicism at all. Anyway, my point here is just how frustrating it is when you have to leave things in God's hands, or in the hands of the higher power you believe in.
All the while my mother was suffering with her knee pain before her surgery, I wished there was something I could do to help take her pain away. I tried everything I could do, but she needed surgery and she was afraid to do it, so she lived in pain. All I could do was pray to God that she would realize the best way out of the pain was to risk the surgery. Eventually the prayer was answered and she had the surgery.
A friend's sister was diagnosed with breast cancer recently. She had to have a left breast mastectomy. They were concerned there may have been some spread to the right side as there were dark areas on the imaging they weren't sure about. The waiting game is awful. What can you do? Pray to God the images were shadows and the cancer is gone. Thankfully, this prayer was also answered and she is clear for now. She has a 2.5 year old daughter. It is hard to think of a little girl that age growing up without her mother.
Another old friend has the BRCA gene and was scheduled for a double mastectomy. Instead when she went for screenings and such before that surgery, they discovered kidney cancer and had to take care of that before she could have the mastectomies. She, too, has a son under the age of 10. What can you do? Pray and hope and have faith that the prayers for her full recovery are answered.
Scott, my fiance, went to the emergency room Monday because he had a kidney stone. All the while he was writhing in pain, rocking back and forth, trying to do something to make it go away. They say kidney stones feel like labor pains. Given I had no pain relievers when I gave birth to my youngest daughter, I felt extremely bad that I could do nothing to help his pain. I just prayed to God that it would pass soon and he would start feeling better. Within several hours he was feeling relief, but he still has yet to pass the stone, and more pain may be on the way. For now it is managed, he's gone back to work, and for that, I thank God.
I got word yesterday that someone I know was diagnosed with leukemia. I also found out she is fairly early in a pregnancy. She is suffering from pneumonia as well, which is causing her difficulty breathing. She and her husband also have a young son. They are trying to filter the leukemia from the blood and will do a bone marrow test in a few days. Praying that she makes it. She's about my age. I can't imagine being stricken with something like that, someone having to explain to my children how sick I am, and no one knowing if I will ever really be their mommy again.
Prayer is a wonderful thing, but it is so frustrating waiting for those prayers to be answered. The other difficult aspect to remember is that sometimes prayers go unanswered for reasons...even if we don't understand or even know the reason, we are supposed to trust that God has a plan and there are reasons for everything that happens. He is not supposed to give us anything we can't handle however I must say, He sure does a good job of emotionally breaking people and stressing us out.
I am also currently praying about what to do with my educational path. I thirst for knowledge and have a strong desire to help those in need. I want to help children who are on the wrong side of the tracks get back on the straight and narrow, and I want to help educate parents on how to help themselves so they can help their children as well. Part of me wants to pursue a Ph.D. in counseling psychology, another part of me wants to do school psychology, and another part of me wants to go to medical school to become a psychiatrist rather than just a psychologist. Doing all of or any of it sounds wonderful however I am racking up enormous debt and also wish to get to work so I can start contributing to the house, or to a savings account or something to help our family in the financial department. Medical school would require substantial time away from my family. How much can I make my children miss me in pursuit of living the American dream and giving them everything they want, need and then some? I guess I will continue to mull it over and wait for God to show me a sign. How frustrating it is to wait for someone, but I trust that good things come to those who wait, and again, everything happens for a reason.
